“On the verge”.
These are the words that came to me as I spoke with the Father. What do they mean and why are they my words this morning? Just three words within a gentle early morning thought.
Only God knows.
But later as we did church that Sunday morning I would have the words spoken in to me that he is calling me into a greater revelation of my identity in him. He has been doing that this year already.
To go deeper? Deeper yet again?
Well, wow! I’m blown away by this thought but excited for it. I feel my courage rise up. I feel such joy. It’s a blessing to feel that right now. And maybe this is what the start of this is meant to feel like?
Over to you Lord…….
That was then and this is now, some 6-7 weeks on from when I started writing that initial piece. It’s now the end of November. December is tomorrow. God has a way of reminding me, of asking me to go back to something. He does this in part to show me what it is that he has done. When I wrote the initial part of this I said to him
“Over to you Lord……”
I was on the verge. On the verge of what? It was the tip of something. Where do you go when you find yourself with a question like that?
Well, you go to him. The Father, the creator, the grand designer of all things. You go to him.
So much of this year has already been about a journey with him. He’s kept inviting me and I’ve kept accepting the invites. The journey was never about discovering him. It was about experiencing him in new ways. In ways deeper than I had previously known.
Even as I come back to this piece I am writing now. I had NO Idea I would be back here at this piece today. But my Lord has his plan and his timing and as I sat with him this morning reading about spiritual gifts and how they all come from the same spirit (1 Corinthians 12:4) I was drawn back to this piece and the memory of having it spoken over me that “he is calling you in to a greater revelation of my identity in him”.
It’s there I realise that the revelation has been shown. I understand it. He has shown me the greater revelation of my identity in him. He’s taken me deeper, my eyes see what they didn’t see before this. My understanding is greater.
My spiritual gifts are very much where my identity in him shines through. They are something that comes from the Holy Spirit, and I find that it grows. The spirit, it grows within me and it shines from within me so that others can see it. Those that don’t know God will say that I am “unique” or “different to others but I can’t figure out what it is?”.
Those that know God intimately will test and see that it is from God. They will recognise similarities with their own experiences. And it is this that I want to achieve. I want to affect people the way that God wants them affected. I want my gifts to be used in a way that brings only glory to the Father’s name.
The deeper i go in to my indentity in him the more I see that it is less about me. I spoke very briefly to a small group of my writing this weekend past. I said that to me I was nothing more than a vehicle that God was using for his glory.
Further to that thought and this past weekend I also heard awesome titles such “wind breakers” and “wave crashers” as a way of describing the effect we can have for his kingdom. I wonder if I am simply another one of God’s “gift bringers”? Okay’ that’s a rethorical question. We are all in fact gift bringers.
But there is much purpose in the idea of being a “wind breaker”, or a “wave crasher” or a “gift bringer”. We are all one one of these, if not all of them. We’ve been blessed with the power of God to crash, break and simply gift within our lives.
It’s there that we affect the people around us. God blessed us with spiritual gifts so that we may use them. He blessed us with them so that his glory would be seen.
To answer the original question of “what was I on the verge of?”. Well I believe I was on the verge of experiencing God on a new level.
The deeper i went with him the more I could see his fingerprints on things. The deeper i went with him the more I could see him move and affect things and affect people. The deeper i went the more I felt him close by. There’s a peace that is unlike anything the world can offer. It stems from his intimacy and it is there that he keeps inviting me back.
Now I look back at that gentle whisper weeks ago and see the purpose in that quiet moment. Our heavenly Father has a timing and purpose for all and it doesn’t always work on the same time that we wish it would. But it does work and it does happen and when you see the proof of his work it always looks so perfect and feels so right and proper.
In recent weeks I’ve felt he’s also been reminding me that “we do this together – we are in this together”. Okay, so thats not a new revelation for me. I know fully well he is with me always but the need to speak those words out has felt timely in those I’ve come across.
Those words were for me to speak in to others. They are only simple words but they comfort and encourage. If God is for us, who can be against us? If our God who created us and designed our paths is with us each day then what greater encouragement can we receive? He is all we need and he has all we need.
That is the faith we all stand on. That is what he is inviting us in to, again and again. My prayer today is that you will hear God speak his wisdom in to you today and that as you accept his invitation your eyes open further and your heart will expand with more of what he wants. That you today will learn just a little more about your identity in him and continue to grow.
Riding the wave
A while ago I found my mind drawn back to a text message sent to me some 14 months ago. At first I wasn’t sure what to make of this memory. But i felt that God had placed it there for a reason.
For the first few days I would think back to it but not really take the time to investigate it. Kind of like procrastinating. We know we want to or would like to do something but just never get around to doing it. The thought stays there but it remains a thought, and that’s exactly what happened.
About a week later things had not really progressed but if I knew one thing it was that God has a habit of doing things in his time. So I asked myself why would God bring up the text message in my mind out of the blue? There simply had to be a reason for it and I knew it!
The text was from my pastor Matt. He had been spending time praying for me and during that time had seen a vision that represented God calling me in to a deeper place of intimacy with him. In this vision I had been in the water wanting to catch waves but not having the courage to do so.
I knew full well what that meant, but to be honest, what did that look like? I had no idea.What was i to do? How was I meant to go about it?
The waves represented the Holy Spirit. Essentially I needed to be bolder and catch those waves. Because in the vision the moment I did catch one I was overjoyed. I was ecstatic!
I wanted that SO much! I wanted to know I could do it. I wanted to experience what that reaction was.
So I prayed.
I prayed and meditated on those questions. On what it meant? And how I would go about it? I started looking intentionally for the answers and the truth was I found them right away. They weren’t ground breaking answers. They didn’t change many things at all but what I see now is they got my mind searching deeper and got me in to a routine of doing this.
Almost like my mind was being retrained – to look at things from a slightly different perspective. If I felt curious or unsure on something I began to see that this was my mind expanding.
A lot of what I was writing on in this period was from that initial perspective. A perspective that focused on encouraging and loving. A perspective that knew that in that place of honesty and vulnerability there were people out there who felt the same things or needed those words for themselves.
But as i started searching deeper for God’s intimacy I realised that I had stopped writing. That even though I had a lot on my heart, I wasn’t feeling moved to write things down. Instead I was being called to stop. To listen. To rest. To seek and find these reasons for the pause.
Even as I write this now my latest piece sits unfinished and here now is another piece put together so easily, almost as if God has placed it all on my heart right now, for this moment, this purpose.
The purpose is not just for me. It’s never about me. It may involve me but it’s never about me. It’s about God. It’s for God and it’s done with our Father, God.
What I realised when looking back at this text message was that what was spoken in to me that day is what has indeed happened since then. It’s been gradual and it’s been consistent and it has blessed me time after time again.
I still think about a time when I found it challenging even to write things that provided just a small window in to my thoughts and feelings. As introverted as i can be at times, this was a wild and yet bold step to make.
That feeling quadrupled in intensity when writing about thoughts became writing about deeper, more intimate matters such as what God has been doing in and around me.
But by this point it felt almost a necessity that I stepped in to that place and in some ways was actually an easier step to make because the words almost always come easier than when I write about other matters. Almost like God just laid it all out for me and I just needed to put it together.
The revelation in this experience for me was found in the way God had used that text message to show me what he had been doing since that day. At times we lose sight of some of the things he does for us, so to pull it back in and focus on things in hindsight was amazing! Because I could see HOW much he has done during this time.
I look at the way a COVID world has impacted this too. The routine of a Sunday spent in church, as good as it was, was changed. My focus – shifted, again.
Church has still been a big part of my Sunday just via Zoom and to be honest. I love it! Why? Well funnily enough it feels more intimate, it takes us deeper via the conversations we have. There is openness, vulnerability, honesty, love, kindness and inspiration. But perhaps the one thing that stands out most is that despite a world where isolation is a common theme now, it is community and family that are growing in this space.
Zoom has also challenged me to continue down this road I am on. I get to be Inspired and at the same time hopefully inspire and encourage others.
It’s also a proposition for the future. It’s a bold invitation to continue down this road. That as I step deeper in to him that there is a purpose that I will understand far better on another day.
The challenge today is definitely found in the connection we establish with others. Life has been altered. The opportunities are still there but they look different. They occur differently, none the least they are still there.
However I am so encouraged that I was drawn back to the original message so that I could see what God has done, and I’m eagerly awaiting what he wants to show me next.
The beauty of God is that he crafts us so intricately, so uniquely that we can have no idea what he is about to do next. But we can be safe in the knowledge that he’s always working within us.
I feel like the only thing left to say now is to encourage. We all have our own story. It is unique, it is something worth sharing and you can. But it is our story and what God has planned for each of us is going to be different for each of us. That’s what makes it unique.
But find encouragement even in the little things he does. A thousand small steps is a lot of steps In the right direction. So even if when it feels like he’s doing little, be encouraged that he’s doing something and piece by piece it will all make sense and you too will look back and see HOW much he actually has done.
As for me the shift is obvious. The fork in the road, long past. Those thousand small steps have left me in a place where I am ready for that next thousand steps as the journey continues